Growing up "Whinery"

The trip is going well so far.  Tomorrow is our last day on the road, and it will be a full day.  I definitely plan to share about our road trip and that experience but for now I wanted to share another story with everyone.

There was a time when I didn’t understand why I carried a name that didn’t belong to me.  Being raised without my biological father around always left me feeling like the name “Whinery” didn’t really belong after “Rebecca Ann”.  This week I was reminded that it wasn’t just his name that I took, it was also my Grandpa John’s name, and that is a name I should be proud of.  I don’t remember a lot about my Grandpa John, but I do remember that growing up, I had visits and phone calls from him and I remember how much I loved him.  Grandpa John visited as often as he could and the first time I met my father, Grandpa John was there as a familiar face.
 The last time I saw my Grandpa John was when I was 16 years old at my birthday.  I remember being pretty self focused and not really taking the time to be with him at all while he was there.  His visit didn’t last long and I’ve spent the majority of my adult life believing that that was probably the last time I would ever see him.  At one point, so much time had passed I began to worry about even asking my father about him because I knew he may have passed away and I wouldn’t even know about it.  So a few years ago, I made contact and sent him some pictures, but again I let a significant amount of time pass between phone calls.  When we started discussing the drive to Florida, I expressed an interest in visiting my Grandpa in Farmington, NM if we were already traveling through, then I wanted to stop.  I knew it was completely possible that we wouldn’t go that way, and accepted that with so many people going it may happen that we couldn’t work it out to stop.  Zach and Sara must have seen how much it meant to me because they scheduled a stop in Farmington with time for me to visit my Grandpa. 
I had no idea what to expect.  Our phone conversation went well and despite my fear that he wouldn’t remember who I was, he seemed to be very excited that I would be visiting.   When we arrived and I was greeted by Randy and then his wife Becky who were both very kind and inviting.  I confess that I didn’t know who they were or how they knew my grandpa but I told my husband that Randy must be related to my father because he sort of looks like him.  For all I knew, this man was my uncle.  Later when I finally asked, it came out that he is my father’s cousin.  When I walked through the door and saw my Grandpa, I gave him a big hug and it felt like it was all I could do to not sit in his lap and put my arm around him and tell him all about my life.  But I’m not 6 years old anymore and I would have probably injured him.  For the next 30 minutes, we sat and talked about life and talked about his health with Randy and Becky, who were probably the nicest couple I’ve ever met who didn’t know me, but seemed to love me anyway.  I heard a really great story about how he ended up in the ICU and then long term care after getting into a four wheeling accident.  I didn’t want to leave.  I knew there was so much more I wanted to hear about.  It was surprisingly hard to say goodbye.  I knew we needed to get back on the road, but I was really sad I didn’t have more time with him.  Quality time can be such a priceless gift.  I think it’s very important to spend time with the ones we love.  I’m so glad that the last time I saw my grandpa wasn’t when I was that visit when I was 16 years old.  

Our move to Florida

I realized that many people know we are moving to Florida and have questions about why.  I thought it would be nice to sit down and share with everyone how this came about.  

This began about 2 months ago.  I had begun praying about becoming a part of a recovery ministry.  Each branch of the recovery ministry would need a leader.  Some of the areas would be Divorce, PTSD, Alcoholism, Addictions, Codependency, among many others.  I was interested in the Grief area.  When I approached Zach and Sara about it, the response I got - as if it had already been discussed between the two of them, was "actually we have news for you, Zach is thinking about applying for Campus Pastor position in Florida".  Immediately I felt that I was being given a closed door to what I felt God had been leading me to ask.  I think I must have looked confused or maybe I said something, I can't remember, but Sara said something to the effect of "you should start praying about going with and joining us in ministry".  They did want us to be involved in their ministry, but they wanted us to be involved with them in Florida.  Our talk that evening lasted quite a bit longer, but I still didn't really think that we would even consider it.  I am not much for moving around, I tend to really stick with what's comfortable and despite loving the ocean I have never been Florida, much less considered moving there.  I have moved once as an adult, to Virginia, when I was 20, I think.  It ended horribly and with only enough money to get us to Evanston, Wyoming, my ex-husband and I headed home feeling defeated after only 3 months away.  I loved Virginia; I just didn't love our living there.  I was a kid; I had no business being married, let alone venturing off with a man 10 years older than me and that I had only known for about 2 years.  I don’t regret spending that time away, looking back it was quite an adventure and I’m really glad I had that experience. 

So, getting the news about the job that Zach wanted to apply for, I sort of had it in my head that I wouldn’t even pray about it until I knew he had the job and it was a done deal.  Well, I started to panic a little when things in the house stared to get sold off and the packing began… he hadn’t even had an interview yet.  While Zach and Sara were praying about moving to Florida, I was still trying to wrap my head around the idea.  So first I began entertaining the idea of going, and then I began to pray.  Over and over again as I prayed about it, asking God to give me an answer, I was being told
that it wasn’t my decision to make.  My husband, the leader of our home, would have everything he needed to make that decision. (His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. – 1 Peter 1:3) That if I trust God, then I needed to trust that he is leading my husband that whatever decision he came to, I needed to submit and believe that God would show my husband His will and that my husband would obey.  This has been one of the greatest struggles in my marriage.  Up until about 6 months ago I saw myself as the leader in our marriage and the only one capable of making any decisions.  That is false, and I want to tell you that was very unbiblical thinking and not at all healthy for my marriage.  We had been down this path before.  Allie was about 6 months old when we visited my family in Colorado.  My Aunt and Cousin began talking to Steve about helping him move there and when we visited again, it didn’t take long for him to get a job.  It was a good job too, so I went back to Utah by myself to wait for Steve to get a home for us to live in.  He was able to find himself a trailer and a nice family friend to allow him to park it in the back yard so he could have power and running water.  He made himself a little home in that trailer while I stayed in Utah.  I had a job I loved and I started enjoying my freedom.  I would go days without calling him and when I did talk to him, he talked about reading his bible and praying and I, on the other hand, was not doing well in my walk with the Lord.  It was a very unhealthy situation.  Steve was ready for me to move to Colorado, but I was unwilling to leave my job, my home, my freedom, my, my, my…  The time came at the end of July that, despite what he was telling me he had prayed about and what he wanted, I told him I needed him to come home.  I couldn’t see God moving me and our baby to Colorado to live in a small trailer with no hot water and no heat.  The idea of stepping out in faith wasn’t even a thought back then.  I could only see what I wanted to see and controlled the situation and my husband even though my husband was clearly communicating to me that that is not what he wanted.  I can say now, looking back that he has never really been the same. In the years since then I have ignored the strain that had added to our marriage, I refused to see my faults and began to tear him down any chance I got.  In a process I began about 6 months ago, I started to see how much he’s been holding our marriage together with his patience and forgiveness he’s been giving me.  I am still working at being a better wife.  Learning biblical principles for marriage and seeking ways I can build him up and show him love. 

So now as I faced the possibility of a very big change in life, I knew I didn’t want to leave God’s will on the back burner for my own selfish desires or what I thought was right and since God was clearly communicating to me to not allow anyone except my husband to make this decision I knew I had better start praying a different prayer.  I started to beg God to help me be submissive.  To learn to listen to my husband and to tell him how much I trust him and believe he can lead our family, if only I would let him, which I was willing to work really hard at.  So one night after house church, listening to yet another very convicting group discussion, I told him how I felt about him making the decision about Florida.  With a broken spirit, out of his mouth came the fear he had about making that decision because of what I had done years ago when he told me to move to Colorado.  I suppose I knew it was coming.  God had been preparing me to hear that, and in the past I would have allowed anger to take over and I would have shut him down, telling him he was wrong for thinking the way he does and insisting I was right out of pride and determined to not take responsibility for my actions.  I’ve spent years complaining that we have a huge lack of communication in our marriage and here my husband sat next to me, opening up and telling me exactly what was on his heart.  I’m so thankful to say that even though I did think for a second that I should be able to be mad at him, and that he should just forget about it and move on, that is not how I responded.  It broke my heart.  I knew that he wasn’t keeping track of my failures; he was telling me something he couldn’t tell me before.  I begged him for forgiveness and asked him to not hold it against me.  I promised him that I would not to that to him again and that I have been praying and God had begun preparing my heart to receive Steve’s decision as God’s plan for us.  Steve told me he forgave me but the next couple of weeks I continued to pray that Steve wouldn’t be worried about my reaction or my past mistakes when he prayed about Florida.  I was terrified that God would be leading us to go (or stay) but the decision would be made of fear (or pride) and that because of my mistake in the past that we would not be able to fulfill God’s plan for us.  I kept praying and with all of my heart, I begged God to help my husband forgive me.   When the day came that I felt I needed to know where we stood on the move, I asked Steve if he had come to a decision about going to Florida.  Very confidently he told me that yes, we are moving to Florida, and I told him thank you for making a really difficult decision for our family.   

I could spend time telling you about all the circumstances that lead the Sutton family to press forward with their plans to move and everything that has happened with Zach’s application process and their house in Florida and all that supports our decision to move, but I really just wanted to tell you why I’m moving to Florida.