Just a day at the beach.

While my camera uploads the pictures from today to my computer, I thought I would write about todays events. I took over 200 pictures, so you know it was definitely a fun day. First, I was up at 5 am. with Steve, I've done it this whole week to help encourage and support him. I actually found that I like it because I have time to relax before mayhem wakes up!
So this morning I'm awake, it's all good, Allie gets up, it's still good, then my ear starts to hurt again. This has been going on for a few days, the worst ear ache I've ever had. Even my jaw hurts. So I'm kind of in pain and Allie is getting mad about everything. She cried because she wanted her shoes on, because I gave her only one banana, and because she didn't want cereal (but because I don't speak the language of whineandcry I didn't catch on to that immediately). So I finally decide that I need to put ear drops in my ear and lay down (so the drop would drain into my ear). Trying to decide why Allie is so angry I give up and turn Caillou on for her. That made her happy for a minute. She was crawling on me and pushing her feet into my ribs when I finally decided to take my mom's advise and take her outside to play. Now she's getting mad at me because I'm walking around the house to get her clothes and shoes and grab my bible study to take with me outside. She wants me to pick her up but if I pick her up it takes twice as long to gather these things, and she's still mad. So I put her down and while I'm going through the clean clothes to find her something she dug her pretty little plastic shoe heel into the top of my foot so hard I almost cried. Finally I'm getting her changed and dressed and we head outside. Oh I forgot the sunscreen. Then I forgot her water. So I did have to come back we did get some peaceful play time outside...til she decided she needed to buckle the chair (it's got a buckle to help keep it closed) but Allie doesn't know how to latch buckle's yet and it just makes her mad that she can't buckle it. It made her mad when I did it for her, when I tried to help her and when I put my foot on the step next to her. I could not make this child happy! So I was getting pretty worn out, but still managing. We headed inside where she sat for another episode of Caillou and a peanut butter tortilla. Good, now she's calm, I'll go get on the computer. Thank God I did that! My friend Kathy was inviting anyone to join her to go the beach in Herriman for a swim. I told her I was up for it and made the arrangements.
So while I waited for Jordan to get home from school and Steve to get home from ZLB, I packed some snacks and our swimming stuff so that we would be ready to go as soon as Steve got home. Steve got home at about 2:00 and we left soon after. One quick pit stop to get gas and we at the beach within a half hour. It was better than I even expected. Pretty clean, small, easy to get to (although some would argue that), and our friends were there waiting. I was happy to see my friend Mandy with her husband and baby, they are such a cute family! Judah is not even 4 months old and is a very sweet baby. I made it just in time to see her first dip in the water, with the cutest dang swimsuit ever.





Allie had to be woken up from her nap to get out of the car and wasn't really ready to just dive into it, so I held her for a little bit and then started getting her changed into her swimsuit. Surprisingly after only about a half hour nap she wasn't cranky at all (boy was I shocked). I took her over to Ellie, who right away started to bring her buckets full of water to dump in the sand. Allie got into it pretty quick and Jordan was in the water with Pierce floating around in a little green tube they brought with them.




My friends didn't stay long but after they left, Jordan and Steve started making sand castles and digging holes to bury themselves in, while Allie braved the cold water up to her ankles and played with the bucket that my friend had left for her.








Steve buried Jordan and then started to dig his own hole (which sounds terrible all typed out). It took him a while, lets face it, it had to be much bigger of a hole than Jordan's. He got into the hole and realized it wasn't wide enough for his shoulders and had to get back out to widen it.




So when he finally fit in the hole we started to cover him up. I had to help because Jordan just couldn't get all that sand pushed fast enough. I'm not so sure that Steve was happy about me helping since I gave him 2 nice round mounds in the chest area...I was just giving him what he always wanted!




When Steve came out there, even with what had filled into the hole, there was still a big enough hole for Jordan to fit in to be buried again. So because he had laughed so hard about Steve's sand mounds I gave him some too, and Steve made him a mermaid. He was saying "NO! NO!" but laughing really hard so I know he thought it was funny! So a little more bur
We had so much fun out there, we'll definitely do it again.

Every morning is the start of a new day.

I just love the way the sky looks when the sun is just coming over the mountains. I really wish I had a better view of the east mountains from where I live. I really like how quiet mornings are too. I sat outside for a few minutes and watched the birds fly around the tree next door and a few cars drive by. I just love how God's mercies are new each day (Lamentations 3:22). I'm not even thinking about yesterday's garbage because I left it at the cross last night, today is a new day! God is so faithful to forgive us (1 John 1:9). I realized yesterday that I've been holding on to anger and resentment toward someone. In most cases, if I become upset with someone, it's fairly easy for me to pray through it and just let God take hold of the situation and let it go. This is different, maybe because this man is who I considered to be my dad. I don't even call him that anymore. I'll give you a little background of the situation:
When I was pregnant with Collin he delivered a car to us, a 1992 Oldsmobile Regency 98. Most of you know of it, it's still a car we drive today (well except the last month because the registration is expired). Anyway, he was very kind to give us the car like that, ready to pass safety and emissions and asking nothing in return. I was, and still am very appreciative about that car. The night that he dropped the car off, he was on his way to Arizona and asked if I would gather the things left in the car and put them in a box in the trunk so that he could stop by on his way back through, going home to Wyoming, and pick up the box. The next day I did as he asked and waited for his return. It didn't happen and eventually, I'm not sure how much later, he called to tell me that he had been in too big of a hurry and was already back in Wyoming. It wasn't a problem, the trunk is huge and one little box wasn't making any difference to me. Well when he did finally come back into town Collin had been born and it was either right after his surgery or right before, it must have been right after because things were bad enough that I didn't want to leave the hospital. The conversation I had with him about the box in the trunk was very short and it never crossed my mind that he would be upset about not getting the belongings from the trunk at that particular time due to the circumstances. Surely he would be understanding to the situation and not really expect me to make a special trip away from the hospital for some receipts, a handicap tag and a bluetooth headset. He didn't seem altogether interested in coming not the hospital either and I got the feeling he was in a hurry to get out of town again. Well only a couple days went by before the news made it's way back to my mom through my "dad's" sister that I refused to let him come to the hospital and that I wasn't appreciative about him giving me the car. My mom was so angry, knowing that wasn't true, she set my Aunt straight about it and called me to ask for the box. She came to the hospital, got the box, and took it to my Grandma's house where "dad" was staying. She gave him the box, without a word and neither of us have spoke to him since. I was really too busy to care about it at the time. After a while, it started to bother me that he hadn't even tried to call me. He never even attempted to justify himself, at the very least I figured he would just deny it and I would just let it go to avoid confrontation. It just never happened.
I don't share this story with you so that you see that I am justified for being angry with him because, even though what he did was undoubtedly wrong, I am not justified for being angry 3 years later. When that happened I had no knowledge of what God instructs us on in reference to harboring anger toward others. "You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." - Collosians 3:13. Along with that there is many other verses just like it. I really feel like it's only hurting me to be so angry with him. I don't think about it every day but when I do think about him I am really bothered by how I feel. My mom says I need to see him to get some closure, but I'm not sure how that would help since I have nothing nice to say to him. So my prayer is that God will help me to forgive him without having to receive anything from him. One day I may see him and I just hope that God will have prepared the way to approach him without contempt.
God is so faithful, I'm not worried. I just love being reminded that every day is a new day and we can have new beginning with God any time we ask for it.

A Weekend of Loss and Remembrance.

So this last weekend was Collin's 3rd Birthday. I knew that it was coming up and up until about a month ago I had planned on doing something. Getting together like we did last year and hanging out at the park or whatever. Then I started to get the idea that it would be weird to continue doing it. That people must think that it's unhealthy to keep having a party on his birthday, even though it's not like we're throwing a birthday party with cake and balloons and all the children's activities. I just like to get together. So last Wed my mom suggested doing something and she said that she had made the mistake of not doing that with J.J. So I decided she was right and I started inviting people to come. It was such short notice though that most people couldn't make it due to other plans.

Then the planning took a back seat when all day Friday Apollo's health was really looking bad. The last couple of weeks have been hard for him and he was in quite a bit of pain. The last few days he couldn't even get up with out help most of the time. We waited and waited on Friday thinking that he was going to pass away at any minute. My mom and Steve ended up moving him into the garage onto a blanket and wetting him down with the hose so that he wouldn't be so hot. We were up really late on Friday and Steve even stayed up all night with him. Saturday late afternoon he did pass away. It was the saddest I have ever been about losing a pet. He was the best dog and we'll never have one that was as loyal and loving as he was. He was the smartest animal I have ever known too. I wanted to share a couple of memories I have of Apollo The Great.

The first day he was home alone we had to put him in the front yard because we were not sure how Sheba was going to treat him and we couldn't leave him in the house because he was a naughty puppy. I was at school and my parents were at work. I came home from school and came in the house. I started to look for him then remembered he had been put in the front yard, so I went back outside and started to call for him. He started to whimper and yelp and I looked everywhere but still couldn't find him. Finally I called my mom and she told me to check the window well. Sure enough, that's where he was. How he fell down there I have no clue. So I went down stairs opened the window and rescued him from his dark prison. He was so small then and I carried him and let him lick my face and say his "thank-yous". His whole life he never got close to the window well again and sometimes my parents would tease him by calling him from their window, I would laugh and laugh as he jumped at the window well whining and barking at them. Maybe you think that's cruel but if you could see a hundred and twenty pound dog afraid of a window well he couldn't even fit in anymore, you would laugh too.

The summer after we got him, he was maybe about 6 months old by then, we had a family reunion in St. George, UT. I was allowed to bring a friend of mine with because I didn't know anyone in the family very well yet. So my friend Lori and I, and both dogs piled rode to St. George in the back of the truck (with a shell). We set up at a campground next to the lake. Lori and I in the tent and my parents in the truck. Well the dogs were not allowed to be in the water so while we went and played in the lake the dogs stayed at the campsite. We left our tent open, I don't know why, and when I got back he had thrown up on my sleeping bag. We joked forever that he did it to get back at me for calling him names. I fought with him like he was my brother because he was always chewing on my shoes and peeing in the house and he always bugged Sheba when she was trying to sleep. So it was like he deliberately puked on my sleeping bag.

He never forgot where we used to keep the treats. For years the treats were always kept in the hall closet. Him and Sheba would come in from being outside and always be rewarded with a treat. He learned basic commands like "sit" and "shake" really quickly. A few years ago the treats stopped being put in the hall closet and they started to be kept in the dining room, but he would still walk up to the closet door and lift his huge paw to hit the door, signaling that he was ready for his treat. Even saying the word "treat" would send him running to that door.

He liked to cuddle. On the floor, on the couch next to you, on the chair in your lap (all 120 pounds of him) and he would even sometimes walk up and stand face to face with my dad while he was sitting on the chair. I always laughed really hard though because he would be standing there with his feet on my dads lap staring at him, trying to get something from him or sometimes just getting a good ear scratch and almost always when he would get down he would take a step back and jam his paw right between my dad's legs (if ya know what I mean)! *The picture is not mine, found it online for humor*

One time we went to the Liberty Park with the dogs and we were walking through the playground between the swings. Someone was there with their tiny Pomeranian pup and it was just yapping like crazy at our dogs. Apollo was still pretty young and he was curious. It was like he didn't quite know what that thing was. The owners looked a little scared at first when Apollo started to approach the yapper, but calmed down after they realized he was a teddy bear. Apollo lifted his giant paw and dropped it down right on top of the Pom, which was no bigger than Apollo's paw. It was so gentle, it was like he was trying to get it to stop, push "snooze" or something. He lifted and did the same thing a couple more times. We all laughed and laughed, even the owners of the Pom. *The picture on the side is not Apollo nor is it a Pom but I found it online to give you an idea of the size difference.*

One time while he was playing in the front yard he grabbed a hold of the cable on the side of the house and started to run, pulling it so hard and so fast that the TV that the cable was connected to flew off its stand in the basement. We heard a loud "crash" from the basement and after seeing the TV on the floor didn't know how if had fallen...found out who was to blame after seeing the cable across the lawn outside.

He learned how to open the gate and sometimes he would just leave to go for a walk, or to let the other dogs out so they would go for a walk and leave him alone.

There is so much more, he was just the biggest, smartest, most loving dog! It's so hard to believe that he is gone and we all miss him very much but I am glad that he's no longer in pain.

So Sunday after church I came home to get Jim, the other dog, and take him to the park with us for the get together we were having for Collin's birthday. It was very unorganized and we didn't have any chairs and it was right at Allie's nap time. Not many people came but the ones that did were so great to have. Only a few people came with their with kids and they left fairly early for naptime and such. So after that, those of us still there, really just sat and talked, Allie fell asleep in her stroller and Jordan and my dad went for bike rides. It was a really nice afternoon. I can't believe how supportive my friends have been to me.

I can't share stories of my son's life with people without having to tell them that he's in heaven and that's awkward for people to have to hear, but I want to tell people about my son. I can't find a balance. This year I decided to share the old blogs that I wrote during the time Collin was in the hospital. There are so many people that didn't know me then that are asking about him and I have forgotten a lot. I love answering people's questions but I just thought it would be a nice way to share. I guess I didn't realize that people would be so sympathetic. I guess it's hard for people to understand that I'm OK. That experience didn't make me lose my mind like others seem to think it would. I don't want my friends to feel sorry for me, or to think that I am angry or depressed because of it. I want my friends to know that God is so awesome that he delivered me from all that! My friends are amazing though, one even wrote a song:
Collin’s Song
Happy birthday to you my dear child

It feels like forever though it’s only been a while

Since I held you in my arms and I kept you safe from harm

Now you’re in Gods hands

Happy birthday to you my sweet baby

How I wish that today was the way that it should be

With a party for you and your family too!

But I know that it wasn’t the plan!

Today you’ll have your birthday In heaven, but not too far away

Oh the angels will sing!

What a joy it must bring To have God sitting right by your side!

This day is going to be hard

But it’s nothing that I can not handle

Know your mommy loves you

And I’m right there, it’s true!

As Jesus helps you blow out your candles!

Happy birthday to you my little one

It was only when your life had just begun

You were taken away brought to heaven to stay

And I was left here on the earth!

Happy birthday to you big boy

Thoughts of you today bring so much joy!

So we’ll all celebrate this sweet and special day

And remember your moment of birth!

Today you’ll have your birthday In heaven, but not too far away

Oh the angels will sing! What a joy it must bring To have God sitting right by your side!

This day is going to be hard

But it’s nothing that I can not handle

Know your mommy loves you And I’m right there, it’s true!

As Jesus helps you blow out your candles!

Another friend drew a truly amazing picture:

So the weekend was full of sadness and memories, but in the end God gave me comfort.

Like I said in a note I posted on Facebook "Happy Birthday baby boy, you get a puppy. I don't know exactly what goes on in heaven but I do like the thought of Apollo nuzzling his head on Collin's lap after playing for hours in beauty beyond our imagination".

no weapon will work against me.

So this was a blog that I had posted a while ago on myspace but recently I have dealt with a little more of the attacks and the Holy Spirit really just reminded me of this. So I felt like sharing it again and I hope that all who read it are blessed by this promise that God has given us.

no weapon will work against me Current mood: relieved Category: Life
I have been having some problems with someone trying to hurt me because she herself is hurt. She's trying to hit me where it hurts the most and that's my family accusing me of something I definately did not do, and then I believe that she is even going to the extent of getting others involved. It's very sad and I havn't really known how to handle the situation. However I know that God is with me while I'm going through all hardships so I've just been closer to Him through this. I was sitting here thinking too much and decided to look for something on ebible.com, which is an awesome site by the way. I was not really searching for this but I found:
If anyone attacks you,don't for a moment suppose that I sent them,And if any should attack,nothing will come of it.
I create the blacksmithwho fires up his forgeand makes a weapon designed to kill.I also create the destroyer-
but no weapon that can hurt you has ever been forged.Any accuser who takes you to courtwill be dismissed as a liar.This is what GOD's servants can expect.I'll see to it that everything works out for the best."GOD's Decree.Isaiah 54:15-17

just in case you feel that only the King James Version is the correct version of the bible:
Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake. Behold, I have created the smith that bloweth the coals in the fire, and that bringeth forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the waster to destroy.
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

I just love how the Lord will give me answers to questions I havnen't really even asked yet. God is good!

The Great Lost Shoe.

So this weekend was the College and Career group's Camp in Paradise, Ut. Steve and I were blessed to be able to go this year and had been looking forward to going. We had sessions Friday and Saturday then church on Sunday at the camp then came home on Sunday after lunch. I would love to share everything that happened throughout the weekend but honestly there is just too much, but the one thing that impacted me the most was the part of the weekend that wasn't even planned.

It started with a lost shoe. We were all trying to hurry to get out of the Camp and on the road so that we could get to Brigham for the fireworks and we were already running behind. When I walked past Kandi and Shane's tent they asked me if I knew how to get there. I didn't even really know where we were going, I just told them to hurry because we were leaving. Everyone piled into the least amount of cars they possibly could, Steve and I in the Calvary van with some other leaving only 2 open seats. Shane came running up to ask if there was an extra seat for them and then went to get Kandi. We all sat there wondering what was taking so long and why weren't we on the road yet. Feeling rushed, Scott went to find out what the hold up was. As it turned out Kandi couldn't find her shoe. So she came running up anyway with only one shoe and about 30 seconds later Shane followed with her other shoe. So all was well and we were on our way. I had been thinking we were only about 10 minutes behind schedule but it was probably more like 30. We lead the line of about 10 cars for Brigham City fireworks. Shane was feeling really bad, he even said there is nothing worse than having a bunch of people waiting for you. I reassured him it wasn't a big deal and he didn't bring it up again. Scott was driving the van and he had driven the road a few times before so he knew where he was going but still missed the turn. He decided to keep going to the next road but as he got closer to the road he saw a car in the ditch. I didn't think he was going to stop. I thought he'd be worried about being even later than we already were and missing the fireworks. I was wrong. He pulled over and jumped out as did every guy in the cars that followed as did some of the girls and both the Pastors. The car was wedged with it's back end in the ditch and up against a fence so it didn't really look like it would be easy to get it out. The girl, who was alone in the car, had to defend herself for a minute when some of the guys were teasing her about if she was drunk or texting, but then the settled down when they realized that she was pretty upset and it wasn't really the time for jokes. A few minutes after assessing the situation, the boys gathered around the car and pushed it out of the ditch in about 10 seconds with little effort (see the video here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/video/video.php?v=127110924571&ref=mf ) Why not? God had placed us there to help her, he wasn't going to leave it at that. Then after some cheers and a crowd full of "praise God" shouts, everyone piled back into the vehicles and were off to the fireworks. I was reminded of how down Shane had been about holding up the group and I made sure he knew if it wasn't for that we would have passed by there before the girl drove her car into the ditch. His spirits were up after that and so was everyone else's. We were all amazed at how God had put us there to help her and no one cared about being late for fireworks anymore. So we joked a little about just watching them as we drove down the road, or getting there just as it was ending. Hey, we'd miss traffic because we'd be going to opposite direction as everyone else. So sure enough when we made the turn for Brigham the fireworks were already going, so Scott pulled over and so did everyone else, except one car (I guess they decided to risk it). Everyone got out and watched fireworks for a minute. We sang some songs like Neil Diamond's "Coming to America", "God Bless the USA", also the national anthem, "glory glory hallelujah", some Christmas song, just for a joke and then every one started to form a circle for prayer but we were still in the singing mood so people started doing the "Hokey Pokey". Even throughout prayer some people began to sing praise and worship songs. I had never seen anything like that. We stood on the side of that road united for prayer for probably a half hour. It was amazing! Even after we got back to the Camp, a lot of people were still talking about the girl in the ditch. Pastor John pointed out a part in the bible that talks about how our actions can be the biggest witness of God. I know that sometimes it's hard to do something for someone and not see if it impacts them at all, in this case we will probably never know until we enter into God's kingdom and I'm perfectly ok with that. I'll continue to pray for her anytime I think about what happened and praise God for the great lost shoe.