A Weekend of Loss and Remembrance.

So this last weekend was Collin's 3rd Birthday. I knew that it was coming up and up until about a month ago I had planned on doing something. Getting together like we did last year and hanging out at the park or whatever. Then I started to get the idea that it would be weird to continue doing it. That people must think that it's unhealthy to keep having a party on his birthday, even though it's not like we're throwing a birthday party with cake and balloons and all the children's activities. I just like to get together. So last Wed my mom suggested doing something and she said that she had made the mistake of not doing that with J.J. So I decided she was right and I started inviting people to come. It was such short notice though that most people couldn't make it due to other plans.

Then the planning took a back seat when all day Friday Apollo's health was really looking bad. The last couple of weeks have been hard for him and he was in quite a bit of pain. The last few days he couldn't even get up with out help most of the time. We waited and waited on Friday thinking that he was going to pass away at any minute. My mom and Steve ended up moving him into the garage onto a blanket and wetting him down with the hose so that he wouldn't be so hot. We were up really late on Friday and Steve even stayed up all night with him. Saturday late afternoon he did pass away. It was the saddest I have ever been about losing a pet. He was the best dog and we'll never have one that was as loyal and loving as he was. He was the smartest animal I have ever known too. I wanted to share a couple of memories I have of Apollo The Great.

The first day he was home alone we had to put him in the front yard because we were not sure how Sheba was going to treat him and we couldn't leave him in the house because he was a naughty puppy. I was at school and my parents were at work. I came home from school and came in the house. I started to look for him then remembered he had been put in the front yard, so I went back outside and started to call for him. He started to whimper and yelp and I looked everywhere but still couldn't find him. Finally I called my mom and she told me to check the window well. Sure enough, that's where he was. How he fell down there I have no clue. So I went down stairs opened the window and rescued him from his dark prison. He was so small then and I carried him and let him lick my face and say his "thank-yous". His whole life he never got close to the window well again and sometimes my parents would tease him by calling him from their window, I would laugh and laugh as he jumped at the window well whining and barking at them. Maybe you think that's cruel but if you could see a hundred and twenty pound dog afraid of a window well he couldn't even fit in anymore, you would laugh too.

The summer after we got him, he was maybe about 6 months old by then, we had a family reunion in St. George, UT. I was allowed to bring a friend of mine with because I didn't know anyone in the family very well yet. So my friend Lori and I, and both dogs piled rode to St. George in the back of the truck (with a shell). We set up at a campground next to the lake. Lori and I in the tent and my parents in the truck. Well the dogs were not allowed to be in the water so while we went and played in the lake the dogs stayed at the campsite. We left our tent open, I don't know why, and when I got back he had thrown up on my sleeping bag. We joked forever that he did it to get back at me for calling him names. I fought with him like he was my brother because he was always chewing on my shoes and peeing in the house and he always bugged Sheba when she was trying to sleep. So it was like he deliberately puked on my sleeping bag.

He never forgot where we used to keep the treats. For years the treats were always kept in the hall closet. Him and Sheba would come in from being outside and always be rewarded with a treat. He learned basic commands like "sit" and "shake" really quickly. A few years ago the treats stopped being put in the hall closet and they started to be kept in the dining room, but he would still walk up to the closet door and lift his huge paw to hit the door, signaling that he was ready for his treat. Even saying the word "treat" would send him running to that door.

He liked to cuddle. On the floor, on the couch next to you, on the chair in your lap (all 120 pounds of him) and he would even sometimes walk up and stand face to face with my dad while he was sitting on the chair. I always laughed really hard though because he would be standing there with his feet on my dads lap staring at him, trying to get something from him or sometimes just getting a good ear scratch and almost always when he would get down he would take a step back and jam his paw right between my dad's legs (if ya know what I mean)! *The picture is not mine, found it online for humor*

One time we went to the Liberty Park with the dogs and we were walking through the playground between the swings. Someone was there with their tiny Pomeranian pup and it was just yapping like crazy at our dogs. Apollo was still pretty young and he was curious. It was like he didn't quite know what that thing was. The owners looked a little scared at first when Apollo started to approach the yapper, but calmed down after they realized he was a teddy bear. Apollo lifted his giant paw and dropped it down right on top of the Pom, which was no bigger than Apollo's paw. It was so gentle, it was like he was trying to get it to stop, push "snooze" or something. He lifted and did the same thing a couple more times. We all laughed and laughed, even the owners of the Pom. *The picture on the side is not Apollo nor is it a Pom but I found it online to give you an idea of the size difference.*

One time while he was playing in the front yard he grabbed a hold of the cable on the side of the house and started to run, pulling it so hard and so fast that the TV that the cable was connected to flew off its stand in the basement. We heard a loud "crash" from the basement and after seeing the TV on the floor didn't know how if had fallen...found out who was to blame after seeing the cable across the lawn outside.

He learned how to open the gate and sometimes he would just leave to go for a walk, or to let the other dogs out so they would go for a walk and leave him alone.

There is so much more, he was just the biggest, smartest, most loving dog! It's so hard to believe that he is gone and we all miss him very much but I am glad that he's no longer in pain.

So Sunday after church I came home to get Jim, the other dog, and take him to the park with us for the get together we were having for Collin's birthday. It was very unorganized and we didn't have any chairs and it was right at Allie's nap time. Not many people came but the ones that did were so great to have. Only a few people came with their with kids and they left fairly early for naptime and such. So after that, those of us still there, really just sat and talked, Allie fell asleep in her stroller and Jordan and my dad went for bike rides. It was a really nice afternoon. I can't believe how supportive my friends have been to me.

I can't share stories of my son's life with people without having to tell them that he's in heaven and that's awkward for people to have to hear, but I want to tell people about my son. I can't find a balance. This year I decided to share the old blogs that I wrote during the time Collin was in the hospital. There are so many people that didn't know me then that are asking about him and I have forgotten a lot. I love answering people's questions but I just thought it would be a nice way to share. I guess I didn't realize that people would be so sympathetic. I guess it's hard for people to understand that I'm OK. That experience didn't make me lose my mind like others seem to think it would. I don't want my friends to feel sorry for me, or to think that I am angry or depressed because of it. I want my friends to know that God is so awesome that he delivered me from all that! My friends are amazing though, one even wrote a song:
Collin’s Song
Happy birthday to you my dear child

It feels like forever though it’s only been a while

Since I held you in my arms and I kept you safe from harm

Now you’re in Gods hands

Happy birthday to you my sweet baby

How I wish that today was the way that it should be

With a party for you and your family too!

But I know that it wasn’t the plan!

Today you’ll have your birthday In heaven, but not too far away

Oh the angels will sing!

What a joy it must bring To have God sitting right by your side!

This day is going to be hard

But it’s nothing that I can not handle

Know your mommy loves you

And I’m right there, it’s true!

As Jesus helps you blow out your candles!

Happy birthday to you my little one

It was only when your life had just begun

You were taken away brought to heaven to stay

And I was left here on the earth!

Happy birthday to you big boy

Thoughts of you today bring so much joy!

So we’ll all celebrate this sweet and special day

And remember your moment of birth!

Today you’ll have your birthday In heaven, but not too far away

Oh the angels will sing! What a joy it must bring To have God sitting right by your side!

This day is going to be hard

But it’s nothing that I can not handle

Know your mommy loves you And I’m right there, it’s true!

As Jesus helps you blow out your candles!

Another friend drew a truly amazing picture:

So the weekend was full of sadness and memories, but in the end God gave me comfort.

Like I said in a note I posted on Facebook "Happy Birthday baby boy, you get a puppy. I don't know exactly what goes on in heaven but I do like the thought of Apollo nuzzling his head on Collin's lap after playing for hours in beauty beyond our imagination".