adventures in baby sitting.

So I have taken a job.  I am watching 2 sweet kids every other week.  Hunter is 2 and Anabella is 8 months.  They are soooo dang cute and I'm really happy to be watching them.  I did have a my doubts for a split second. It happened like this: I scooped up Anabella (who was quite fussy) and leased Boston to run to the grassy area downstairs so Boston could mark the two trees that are nearest to our walkway.  I was only down there for about 30 seconds and as I started walking back to the stairs I could hear my door handle.  I figured Hunter was trying to escape and hurried up the steps to catch him in the act.  Fully expecting to catch him trying to open the door I grabbed the door knob and started to turn.  Boy was I shocked when that was as far as I could get.  Hunter had moved the dead bolt just enough to keep the door from opening.  Right away I started trying to coach the 2 year old into opening the door for me.  No such luck and Allie was still sleeping.  Not that it would matter if she was awake, I have clearly threatened spankings if she goes near the door handle (I had a friend whose 2 year old would unlock the door and escape and the thought terrifies me).  I went through about a hundred stages of panic and finally walked back down the stairs to start looking for someone who might be up and outside that I could use their phone to get Steve home to unlock the door.  One guy was a jerk and laughed in my face and then another took pitty on me, maybe my tears and the baby in my arms helped.  I called Steve and left a voicemail, hoping he'd be on break and get the message quickly. After about 5 minutes (which seemed like 5 hours) I could no longer talk to Hunter through the door because all I could hear was the vibration from the lawn mower.  So I tried my next door neighbors.  They let me call Steve again and also tried the emergency maintenance number, left a voicemail for a return call.  No one responded but I was standing right on the sidewalk when the maintenance man showed up for work at 8:57 A.M.  I told him the situation and asked if he could help.  He set off for the key to my apartment and I met him at my door.  I felt like I could finally breathe when he pushed the door open.  My apartment was so quiet, and he chuckled a little, looked at me and said "he's asleep".  Hunter was passed out on the couch, clearly exhausted from all that work he put into locking my door.  Allie was still asleep in her bed, and about 5 minutes after I sat down on the chair and cuddled Bella under a snuggly blanket in my arms, she was out too.  Peace and quiet.  Allie woke up a few minutes later and we spent the next 20 minutes cuddled up watching cartoons.
That was my first couple hours of baby sitting.  Today went much smoother.  I've got some adjustments to make, but I am really excited to be taking care of these kids.
thanks for reading. :)

A rainy mourning.

I saw a facebook post today from a woman who had a baby die from the same defect that Collin had.  Today is what would be that baby's first birthday.  The mother said that of course it's raining because Heaven screwed up, that they should have been able to raise their daughter.  How, even in your grief could you say that God "screwed up"??  God has a perfect plan for every one of us.  I am so sad for that mother.  If only she knew how God could comfort her if she would just let Him.  I know everyone deals with their grief differently, and I don't want to seem like I'm passing judgement on her, I just pray that she understands.
When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous have a refuge. - Proverbs 14:32
He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken - Isaiah 25:8
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him - Nahum 1:7
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. - Matthew 5:4
I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:19-34
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is ligh - Matthew 11:25-30
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you asthe world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid - John 14:27


There is countless bible verses about how God is there for us.  Last night during Terry's sermon on Ezekiel 15 and 16, I was thinking to myself "have I forgot how God rescued me?".  I don't often think about what God saved me from, it wasn't just that he saved me from an eternity in Hell but he also saved me from the grief I could have had without him, he saved me from a life of sadness, a life where I could have gotten lost in partying and my priorities could have been a lot different.  I'm so thankful for how God has transformed my life.  He has been so good to me.  I don't just have Him to thank for securing a place for me in Heaven but also that he rescues me from the pit of this world every day.

forgiveness.

This topic comes up so much in my life.  I never really thought I was a forgiving person, but really it is my desire to forgive, whenever forgiveness is needed.  I am surprisingly able to let the past go with little effort.  I guess that's part of being a child of God.  I know God wants us to forgive.  I have posted many things in the past about  this very same subject.  Most of all tonight, on my mind, is the guy who raised me.  Ken.  I haven't heard from him since Collin was in the hospital.  He said some terrible things about me to my aunt and then didn't even call me after my son died.  I don't need to go on about the many reasons I'm justified in not speaking to him.  I may not always be innocent in conflict, but in this case, I did nothing to provoke his behavior.  I felt abandoned and betrayed.  It's been 4 years and I have given it little thought.  I figured he didn't want to be a part of my life anymore so why try.  Recently I found out he is sick.  I don't know many details, but I know enough so say I am not willing to let him die without ever seeing him again.  Am I still angry with him?  Sure, but not to the point where I want to spit in his face, or call him bad names.  God has a way of softening my heart and preparing me for something I may have once thought impossible.  I came really close to just going to see him today.  I on my way to the church after some shopping with a friend and realized I was going to be driving past the road that would take me right to my Grandma's trailer, where I believe Ken is staying.  I drove by and there were no cars in the driveway, I don't know if I would have stopped if there was but now I know I can't keep putting it off.  I'll be praying that his heart will be prepared for me to be there, and I'm not sure yet if I'm going to take Allie with me or not, or when I'll go, or if I need my mom to go with me.  I haven't worked all that out.  I can say too that I am very thankful for grace when it comes to myself, so I hope that I can show the same to others that I need as well.
Well, thanks for reading.  :)

Percy Jackson

Ellie and I watched Percy Jackson and The Olympians, The Lightening Thief.  I enjoyed the movie.  I laughed at moments that were supposed to be serious though.  It was a little silly at times.  Uma Thurman played the best Medusa I've ever seen.  There was a part where they go to see Hades and as they enter Hell they look down into this pit and it's all fiery and people are screaming.  I was thinking to myself that that was the only part of the movie that was realistic.  Revelation 20 talks about it being the "lake of fire".  
Revelation 14:10 the same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the Holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb:
Also, in Matthew, Jesus talks about being sent into the outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.  
Anyway, the movie was good and it was clean, which is nice.  I liked the action in it.  It was nice that Ellie came over to watch it with me, even though I kept having to pause it to take care of things.  At one point we took a 2o minute break from the movie so that I could go clean up a mess Allie made in the bathroom.  That's another story for another day.  
Thanks for reading :)

Worship 2010

Today was such an awesome day! God is so BIG!!!

It started out just okay.  I went to church but after having a bad morning, I wasn't really feeling up to facing 25 4th graders, but did it anyway.  The kids were great, as always.  Their hearts shine Jesus so much and I love to see the joy in their faces when they can remember their memory verse or when they know the story we are reading.  I'm so glad that I asked to help in the 4th grade classroom with Tricia.
So then after church was over, I left Allie with Steve so that I could spend a couple hours with my friend Shannon's daughter, Ellie, taking pictures.  We had planned it and she was already at home getting ready.  We headed downtown to a couple locations I had been thinking of.  She is so photogenic and was a very willing model.  After some picture taking we went to the State Capital building for a worship concert on the lawn.  The first band was from The Rock Church, it was their youth band, but they were just about finished when we showed up.  The second group was from New Pilgrim Baptist Church, some gospel singers that were amazing! The last band was from Life Church, and they are great, but we only stayed for a few songs and then ran off to find some different locations for pictures.

It was a long day, but so much fun! I'm so thankful for my friends and for what God has given me.  Taking pictures gives me so much joy and I have God to thank for that gift.

it's been a while

It's been so long since I blogged, not that I don't have anything to share, and I haven't been too busy, I really don't have a good reason.  I guess I set my mind to think I can only blog when I have something profound to share, but really I can blog about anything.  I was reading one of my favorite blogs today, the 50's houswife blog, and she inspired me to just make a random list of things.  She said sometimes she just wants to share a list of things going on.  So that's what I'm going to do.

1. I LOVE taking pictures.  It's been going better than I could have hoped and despite a broken camera and doing a whole shoot in the lowest quality, I'm still going at it.

2. Allie is almost 3 and I enjoy being her mommy so much.

3. Steve has been working 2 jobs and is gone all day most of the week, I miss him but appreciate his willingness to provide for us and allow me to be home with Allie.

4. I am possibly going to be starting a baby sitting job, every other week for 2 kids.  A 2 1/2 year old boy and an 8 month old girl.  I am really looking forward to it, but I needed to start next week and I have too many conflicts, so I hope it doesn't make him pick someone else, but rather just find something temporary for the week.

5. Summer has gone by entirely to quick, I can't believe it's already starting to cool down during August, which is usually our hottest month.  I'm ready for the temps to drop a little, but not ready for winter!

6.  August 8th, came and went without a second thought.  I was busy with a photo shoot and it wasn't till I was typing out the date in photoshop on one of the pictures that I realized I didn't relate that day to being the day that Collin died.

7. I still haven't seen Where The Wild Things Are and we even have it.

8. I have a library card and it is getting used!

9. Last night I went to the Summer Concert Series downtown to see Matisyahu and it was great.  My friend Shannon and her daughter Ellie joined us.

10. Steve and I may be getting involved in the Biker's for Christ as part of a support team.  I am looking forward to it, but then missed the meeting last week.

I might do this again next week just to get back into the groove of blogging.  thanks for reading. :)