Our move to Florida

I realized that many people know we are moving to Florida and have questions about why.  I thought it would be nice to sit down and share with everyone how this came about.  

This began about 2 months ago.  I had begun praying about becoming a part of a recovery ministry.  Each branch of the recovery ministry would need a leader.  Some of the areas would be Divorce, PTSD, Alcoholism, Addictions, Codependency, among many others.  I was interested in the Grief area.  When I approached Zach and Sara about it, the response I got - as if it had already been discussed between the two of them, was "actually we have news for you, Zach is thinking about applying for Campus Pastor position in Florida".  Immediately I felt that I was being given a closed door to what I felt God had been leading me to ask.  I think I must have looked confused or maybe I said something, I can't remember, but Sara said something to the effect of "you should start praying about going with and joining us in ministry".  They did want us to be involved in their ministry, but they wanted us to be involved with them in Florida.  Our talk that evening lasted quite a bit longer, but I still didn't really think that we would even consider it.  I am not much for moving around, I tend to really stick with what's comfortable and despite loving the ocean I have never been Florida, much less considered moving there.  I have moved once as an adult, to Virginia, when I was 20, I think.  It ended horribly and with only enough money to get us to Evanston, Wyoming, my ex-husband and I headed home feeling defeated after only 3 months away.  I loved Virginia; I just didn't love our living there.  I was a kid; I had no business being married, let alone venturing off with a man 10 years older than me and that I had only known for about 2 years.  I don’t regret spending that time away, looking back it was quite an adventure and I’m really glad I had that experience. 

So, getting the news about the job that Zach wanted to apply for, I sort of had it in my head that I wouldn’t even pray about it until I knew he had the job and it was a done deal.  Well, I started to panic a little when things in the house stared to get sold off and the packing began… he hadn’t even had an interview yet.  While Zach and Sara were praying about moving to Florida, I was still trying to wrap my head around the idea.  So first I began entertaining the idea of going, and then I began to pray.  Over and over again as I prayed about it, asking God to give me an answer, I was being told
that it wasn’t my decision to make.  My husband, the leader of our home, would have everything he needed to make that decision. (His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. – 1 Peter 1:3) That if I trust God, then I needed to trust that he is leading my husband that whatever decision he came to, I needed to submit and believe that God would show my husband His will and that my husband would obey.  This has been one of the greatest struggles in my marriage.  Up until about 6 months ago I saw myself as the leader in our marriage and the only one capable of making any decisions.  That is false, and I want to tell you that was very unbiblical thinking and not at all healthy for my marriage.  We had been down this path before.  Allie was about 6 months old when we visited my family in Colorado.  My Aunt and Cousin began talking to Steve about helping him move there and when we visited again, it didn’t take long for him to get a job.  It was a good job too, so I went back to Utah by myself to wait for Steve to get a home for us to live in.  He was able to find himself a trailer and a nice family friend to allow him to park it in the back yard so he could have power and running water.  He made himself a little home in that trailer while I stayed in Utah.  I had a job I loved and I started enjoying my freedom.  I would go days without calling him and when I did talk to him, he talked about reading his bible and praying and I, on the other hand, was not doing well in my walk with the Lord.  It was a very unhealthy situation.  Steve was ready for me to move to Colorado, but I was unwilling to leave my job, my home, my freedom, my, my, my…  The time came at the end of July that, despite what he was telling me he had prayed about and what he wanted, I told him I needed him to come home.  I couldn’t see God moving me and our baby to Colorado to live in a small trailer with no hot water and no heat.  The idea of stepping out in faith wasn’t even a thought back then.  I could only see what I wanted to see and controlled the situation and my husband even though my husband was clearly communicating to me that that is not what he wanted.  I can say now, looking back that he has never really been the same. In the years since then I have ignored the strain that had added to our marriage, I refused to see my faults and began to tear him down any chance I got.  In a process I began about 6 months ago, I started to see how much he’s been holding our marriage together with his patience and forgiveness he’s been giving me.  I am still working at being a better wife.  Learning biblical principles for marriage and seeking ways I can build him up and show him love. 

So now as I faced the possibility of a very big change in life, I knew I didn’t want to leave God’s will on the back burner for my own selfish desires or what I thought was right and since God was clearly communicating to me to not allow anyone except my husband to make this decision I knew I had better start praying a different prayer.  I started to beg God to help me be submissive.  To learn to listen to my husband and to tell him how much I trust him and believe he can lead our family, if only I would let him, which I was willing to work really hard at.  So one night after house church, listening to yet another very convicting group discussion, I told him how I felt about him making the decision about Florida.  With a broken spirit, out of his mouth came the fear he had about making that decision because of what I had done years ago when he told me to move to Colorado.  I suppose I knew it was coming.  God had been preparing me to hear that, and in the past I would have allowed anger to take over and I would have shut him down, telling him he was wrong for thinking the way he does and insisting I was right out of pride and determined to not take responsibility for my actions.  I’ve spent years complaining that we have a huge lack of communication in our marriage and here my husband sat next to me, opening up and telling me exactly what was on his heart.  I’m so thankful to say that even though I did think for a second that I should be able to be mad at him, and that he should just forget about it and move on, that is not how I responded.  It broke my heart.  I knew that he wasn’t keeping track of my failures; he was telling me something he couldn’t tell me before.  I begged him for forgiveness and asked him to not hold it against me.  I promised him that I would not to that to him again and that I have been praying and God had begun preparing my heart to receive Steve’s decision as God’s plan for us.  Steve told me he forgave me but the next couple of weeks I continued to pray that Steve wouldn’t be worried about my reaction or my past mistakes when he prayed about Florida.  I was terrified that God would be leading us to go (or stay) but the decision would be made of fear (or pride) and that because of my mistake in the past that we would not be able to fulfill God’s plan for us.  I kept praying and with all of my heart, I begged God to help my husband forgive me.   When the day came that I felt I needed to know where we stood on the move, I asked Steve if he had come to a decision about going to Florida.  Very confidently he told me that yes, we are moving to Florida, and I told him thank you for making a really difficult decision for our family.   

I could spend time telling you about all the circumstances that lead the Sutton family to press forward with their plans to move and everything that has happened with Zach’s application process and their house in Florida and all that supports our decision to move, but I really just wanted to tell you why I’m moving to Florida.