Love dare 15.

Day 15.  Love is from God. 

Let us love one another, because love is from God.  (1 John 4:7)

I heard a sermon from Pastor Matt Chandler a while ago and he said something that has always stuck with me.  I relayed the message to both my husband and to Allie and have had it in my mind that when the time is right, I will share it with Jordan as well.  In the sermon he said that it occurred to him that his young daughter may not fully grasp what it means when he tells her he loves her.  As parents, we tell our kids all the time we love them, but do they really know why we love them, or what it even means.  Young kids may relate love to performance.  He decided to ask his young daughter if she knows why daddy loves her.  She couldn't really answer the question.  So he explained to her that the reason he loves her is because God gave her to him, to their family and that he loves her because God put her in his life.  It struck me because, just like anything else in our lives, if we look at it as if God has placed it in our lives and we trust him with that, our feelings toward that person or thing have a constant firm foundation.  My love for you never changes, because God's love for me never changes.  It was profound and simple all at the same time.
"Because our parental love is limited by our human capacity and polluted by our sinfulness, the key to loving our children unconditionally with agape love is not to try harder, but to tap into it's pure and perfect source."
I took it a step further and considered how that applies to my marriage.  I don't love my husband because he's a good husband or because he's nice to me, works hard, and good looking.  I choose to love him because I acknowledge that God placed him in my life as my partner to grow old together, walk this earth together, worship together and raise our children together.  Then I explained this all to Allie.  She didn't fully get it, but she smiled a big smile and hugged me.  We've given her one of the greatest gifts a child can have, security.  With Jordan it's a bit different.  It is true that I love him and see him as God's gift to our family.  I love him because God gave him to us.  I'm just not sure he will understand how I can feel that way but have left him.  I can only hope that the day will come when I can explain to him how different my life was when I first had him.  That I relied solely on my own wisdom to get through life.  Without God's help, I lacked the wisdom needed to get through such a hard time in my life.  I didn't know that God had given him to me and I didn't know how to love him the way a parent is supposed to.  My parents could, and they did it and I knew he was better loved by them.  After God got a hold of my life, He helped me to begin to see Jordan the way He had intended and my love for him has grown over the years.  This is so complex and difficult to express even in writing.  In the way that I express myself the best, I still can't put it into words.  How will I ever explain this to him in words when I can't even describe this way.  I have no idea, but I do know that when the time comes, God will lead and I will be able to face him and in the end it will be God who gets the glory.  It's not about me, it's not about Jordan.  All of it would be meaningless if I could not give God credit for how my heart has changed.
To get back to the book.  I have put the book down for a couple weeks. It's so hard to do this.  As patient as I am with Jordan and his challenges, it's still hurts to have many unanswered text messages.  One word answers to text messages or on the phone.  Again, without God I would have thrown this book away on day 3.  Even though it's taking me a long time to get through it, I can count it as a victory every time I pick it up again.  I won't feel bad that I put the book down for a couple weeks, because at least I picked it back up.
Today's dare, to pray with your child and tell them that they can always call on God.  Remind them that God is love.  I didn't pray with Jordan. I'm not sure how he would respond to that, but again sent him a text (this time through Skype since my mom suggested he might be more likely to respond that way).  I told him that I love him and that God loves him.  He text back saying "you too".  I'm thankful for any response I get at this point, so maybe the Skype thing will work better than texting his phone.  I also decided to try and make more of an effort to call him on a schedule.  He's prone to being more uncomfortable when he's caught off guard, so it's worth trying.  Maybe if he knows I'm going to call him every Sunday afternoon, it'll help him be more comfortable talking to me.  The trick here is for me to not be disappointed if it doesn't work.
I could use an extra dose of prayers for the love dare challenge.  I know this is important and God put it on my heart for a reason, so I don't want to give up, I truly don't.
"Every day, with each new dare, always bear in mind this one pervasive, reorienting truth: you are handling a divine opportunity to experience and represent the love of God.  Our children are not playthings to be merely photographed or conveniences to make our lives complete.  They are not barriers to our freedom or monuments to our greatness.  They may please us and make us proud. They may fail us and disappoint us.  But our children are ultimately not about us.  They are about the One who gave them to us and about the love He has for them."
Lord, I thank you again for giving me the gift of motherhood.  I thank you that you continually forgive me for messing it up.  I ask that you help Jordan to know that he is loved by you and that he will know that he can call on you.  I also pray that I will be able to channel Your love to Jordan.  I ask that you help me to have boldness where it is needed and patience where it is needed.  Give me strength to persevere through the challenges with the Love Dare and see the situation through your eyes.  In Jesus name.

You are my father, my God, and the rock of my salvation.  (Psalm 89:26)

Parenting dare 14

Day 14.  Love is compassionate.
Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.  (Psalm 103:13)

I'm very discouraged with the challenges lately.  I've sent Jordan multiple texts without response.  I think maybe by the time I'm done with these 40 dares I hope to be able to call him instead of texting.  I'll just have to see how he's responding by the end of this.  Because of his lack of response, I really have no idea if this is doing any good.  I won't give up, it may take doing everything in the book over again for a second time before anything makes headway.  I don't know, but I really felt like today's chapter was a good reminder for me too.  I often feel a lack of compassion from others around me.  I think I can be a very compassionate person, but I can also lack compassion when it comes to those closest to me.  Jordan may not have to deal with that coming from me because of the distance, but still it's a good reminder to me to work on being compassionate.
There's a section of the chapter that I wanted to quote, an entire paragraph, because it's important to know.  Jesus is ultimately the picture of compassion we need to look at.  People will always fail, but Christ does not.
"Jesus, as always, serves as the model of love's greatest attributes, including the merciful warmth of compassion.  Amazingly, He set examples of how to show it to...

• the weary, the "distressed and dispirited" (Matthew 9:36)
• the ignorant, like "sheep without a shepherd" (Mark 6:34)
• the disorganized who were overwhelmed (Mark 8:1-3)
• the greatly indebted (Matthew 18:27)
• the mourning who had lost a loved one (Luke 7:12-14)
• the broken sinner (Luke 15:20-21)
• the abused and needy (Luke 10:31-35)

Jesus allowed himself to be 'moved with compassion' and personally feel the sorrows and burdens others were feeling.  Then he went into action to lighten their load.  In fact, within these seven 'compassions' of Jesus, you'll find a fairly complete picture of His salvation: how He came to us when we were wearied by sin, spiritually indebted to Him, ignorant of how to clear ourselves, unprepared to face God and eternity.  Though He is saddened and painfully aware of our wickedness, He offers the needed forgiveness that His loving sacrifice can provide (Romans 5:8)."

I think in any of this, it's important to remember that we only have the ability to love in the ways listed in this book because we have been loved by the one true God.  I am thankful for the opportunity to love my children and to teach them because I can look to Jesus who has shown me how.  His example is the best example we can have as to how to treat our children. 

Lord, I thank you for your compassion on me. I thank you that despite the terrible choices I've made and the mistakes I make, that you still show me compassion.  I thank you also for the compassion you have for Jordan and I hope that he knows and feels your compassion.  I pray for him today, that he will trust you and always go to you.  In Jesus name.  

"It's being the tender hands of Jesus.  It's wrapping your arms around them instead of wringing their necks.  It's knowing when to step in and rescue instead of leaving them in a ditch.  It's the beautiful healing of consolation."

May Your compassion come to me that I may live.  (Psalm 119:77)

Parenting Dare 13.

Day 13.  Love disciplines.
Know in your heart that the Lord your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son.  (Deuteronomy 8:5)

I ave always considered that there is no coincidence is how similar the word "discipline" is to "disciple".  Our children are our very own in home disciples.  It is our job to teach them the bible and guide them into learning how to operate as adults.  They will look to us to see how to behave, yes, but more than that we need to correct them when they are going the wrong way.  I like this chapter, it was full of great verses and guidance.  Discipline is so necessary, even though sometimes we hate to do it and we'd rather take a passive approach.

Here are some of the great verses used.
"My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord... for whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights" (Proverbs 3:11-12)
"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly" (Proverbs 13:24)
"No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it" (Hebrews 12:11)
And that's just the first page!

The point is, we know as we ourselves are sanctified, God disciplines us as a loving father.  With grace and mercy he shows us the right path, despite our mistakes he is always coming alongside us to show us the right way to go.  It doesn't always feel the greatest and we don't often like to experience the consequences, but the popular term "learn by your mistakes" didn't come from nowhere.
"lasting joys come from practicing good behavior and godly character.  Scripture says our heavenly father 'disciplines us for our good', so that we can mature and be more like Him (Hebrews 12:10."

The book challenges us to evaluate our hearts as to why we maybe don't discipline our children.  Are we more interested in keeping the peace for the moment at the expense of building and strengthening our children's character for the rest of their lives.

"Children do not take seriously parents who lecture, nag, and threaten but never follow through with any punishment worth fearing.  Actions and consequences give weight to your words." There is such a delicate balance though.  Being abusive or yelling constantly at unruly children isn't discipline at all.  How would we respond to a "loving" God if he simply smacked us across the face or yelled at us pointing out our flaw but not offering another option? "discipline must be balanced out with patience, grace, and mercy... explain your decisions lovingly, clearly, and fairly, knowing that kids can sour if you're operating our of controlled anger".

Parenting takes work and it's not always enjoyable and easy.  We need to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and guide us to make the decisions God directs us to make.  I may not be Jordan's primary disciplinarian but my mom does often ask for my input and I need to be sure I'm sharing with her what God has planned for raising children, not just what I may feel at the moment.  Jordan is lucky to have so many caring adults who seek God looking after him.

The homework for today's dare was to make efforts to balance discipline with my actions.  Since I couldn't actually practice that today, I decided to say a prayer for Jordan and my parents in addition to following through with yesterday's challenge to encourage him each day.  Here's my prayer -
Lord, I pray that you will help guide my mom and dad and give them the strength to discipline in the way you have called them to.  I pray that Jordan will always be receptive to their guidance and that he will trust them to keep him in the right direction.  Thank you, that Jordan is in a stable home and has so many people who care for him and want to help guide him.  In Jesus' name.

"Love drives us to raise children of honor and responsibility.  Who love God and walk in integrity.  Who are a blessing to their families and to society.  And this requires a parent's love that dares to discipline."
The commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; and reproofs for discipline are the way of life.  (Proverbs 6:23)

There is a great resource at the end of the book "What does the bible say about spanking?"  I googled it to see if there was a way to share with all of you and it looks like there is, he're the link.
What does the bible say about spanking?

Parenting dare 12.

Day 12.  Love encourages.
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  (Proverbs 16:24)

This chapter was all about how we use our words to affirm and build up our children.  Many parents (me included) are guilty of not always speaking the best and most fruitful words to our children.  I have heard some horrendous things out of the mouths of parents. I may not be perfect, but I've never dreamed of saying some of things I've heard parents say to their kids.  Please, parents, if you are reading this and unsure if you're crossing the line with what you say to your kids, consider this "We must allow the patience and kindness of love to guide our tongues and build an atmosphere of powerful encouragement.  Our mouths should be nourishing wells of love and truth, not polluted springs of cursing, complaining, and insults."  The bible instructs us to not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths but instead to build each other up according to each person's needs so that it will benefit them (Ephesians 4:29).
I want my kids to feel like I'm their #1 fan! In my eyes, the good things they do are the coolest thing any kid has ever done in the whole world.  Ever.  When Jordan plays the flute for me, I am in awe of his talent.  When he graduates from one belt color to the next in Tae Kwon Do, I can't wait to see.  The fact that he doesn't want to miss a single day of school makes me respect him more than he understands.  I do tell him that I think he's a pretty great kid, too.  Since my love language is words of affirmation, it's easy for me to tell my kids that I think they're awesome.
Part of the homework is to point out something he does well each day this week, which isn't all that challenging (except to remember to do it every day).  The other part was to tell someone else how great he is in earshot of him.  Well I can't do that, but I did text him today I told him how proud I am of his flute playing and that I am always bragging to my friends about his talent.

Post by Bryant Hardy.

He's second chair, 1st row on the left side.  

My prayer for Jordan today 

Lord, I pray that Jordan will always know how wonderful I think he is.  Lord, help him to always hear my words of encouragement and forget anything I say that is not helpful to him.  Help him to grow into a confident adult, who knows his talents do not go unnoticed.  In Jesus' name. 

"The more you celebrate in their lives now, the higher you lift their wings, giving you even greater reasons to celebrate in the future.  So open your mouth and let your love fly!"

Encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.  (1 Thessalonians 5:11)