Love Dare for this mom.

Two years ago when we moved from Utah to Florida, I knew one of the biggest sacrifices I would face was leaving my son, who has lives with my parents.

I was able to see him May, 2013 when I traveled to Colorado for my grandmother's funeral and it was nice to have him sit next to me on the couch, watch him play video games and play his flute, but it was a very short visit and it's been our only interaction (except via facetime) since the move.  Recently, it's really struck me that phone calls, facetime and text messages are not cutting it.  This is such a challenging situation, not only because of the distance but because I'm so absent.  Today's sermon really hit home as the pastor mentioned the many kids that are being raised by their grandparents or by single mothers.  I could never be more grateful for the situation Jordan is in, and how well he is cared for, but there will always be this in his life that I'm not sure he'll ever fully be able to understand.  I fully believe that each person has their own story in life, they walk their own path and their journey is what becomes their testimony.  This includes Jordan and it is how I was able to give the situation to God many years ago and trust that whatever my absence does in Jordan's life, that God will use it for His own Glory.
Just before Christmas I found the book The Love Dare For Parents.  I picked it up hoping to look through it and get some ideas for how to better connect with Jordan.  I may not be able to change the past, but I also don't want to sit by and watch the distance turn into a deep wound in his heart, when I know I can do better.  I've noticed as he gets a little older, he is more reluctant to say "hello" to me on facetime, he has to be reminded more often to text me back when I text him, and he's very disinterested in a relationship with me.  It's sad to say that I've not heard Jordan say "I love you" since he was probably 3 years old, and back then he'd say "I love you" to anyone.  I continue to tell him "I love you" and never expect anything but "ok" in response because it's not about me, it's about him; making sure he knows I do love him.  But what if saying it isn't enough.  I mean, with Allie even, saying it isn't enough.  No kid will know you love them just because you say it.  All kids feel loved in different ways.  I've been able to find some ways that work with Jordan, but I'm feeling like it's time to get purposeful about it.
I'm going to take on the challenge of the Love Dare For Parents and try my best to get through the 40 dares, even with the distance being a factor.  I'm not looking at it as 40 days because that may just not work, but as 40 individual opportunities to reach out to him and show him love in different ways.
Two things in the book that make me feel encouraged this could work:
1. The preface of the book mentions a few common questions, 1 of which is "What if I am currently separated from my children?"  The answer basically says to get creative or turn some of the dares into prayers.  Another questions is "What if my children do not respond well to this experience?"  (I do not expect Jordan to respond at all).  The answer on that one points out that this is about learning to love your child better, "If there are years of pain and emotional damage between you, it will take greater nourishment and healing.  Be patient, think long-term, and never underestimate the power of unconditional love."  I'm definitely going to need all of your prayers to get me through this, but I really want to take the responsibility and accept this challenge.
2.  This is something God has been laying on my heart for months now.  I won't lie, I'm a little scared.  I have worries and doubts and  I know it'll be very weird for him.  It's time to just jump in and I know with God, this is possible!
So the reason I'm sharing this with all of you is simple. I love to write.  And I love it even more when my writing can inspire others.  A sweet friend of mine pointed out that others may be in a similar situation and we can all come together this way and support one another.  So I'll be tagging my posts "long distance parenting", "love dare for parents" and "christian parenting" and hopefully those that are wondering what they can do to get closer to their far away child, this can be helpful to them.  So I'll try to keep posting as we go along, mostly focusing on what I'm learning in the process, but if there are any praise reports, you can be sure I'll share that as well.
Thank you friends!