Parenting dare 6.

Day 6.  Love is not selfish.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.  (Philippians 2:3)

Well I'm fairly certain no one is reading this blog since I have yet to get even 1 comment.  OH wait....I think I'm supposed to be learning a lesson on selfishness today.  I won't lie.  Before I sat down to read today's chapter I considered not even blogging about it, what's the point?  No one's reading it anyway.  Then I open the book and see that word "selfish".  It's no surprise to anyone around me that I admit to being selfish.  I don't want to be, I'm not excusing myself as to say that I'm allowed to be selfish.  It's our human nature.  Each and every person struggles with it, and if they say they don't.... well then they're probably saying that out of their selfish need to look perfect or something.  I don't know, but I do know I can't think of a single person that doesn't put their needs above others a good portion of the time.  The book described it this way: "Moodiness and impatience, laziness and irresponsibility, are only selfishness in disguise... We despise this trait in others but justify it in ourselves.  Almost every wrong and sinful action can be traced back to a selfish motive."  Isn't that the truth.

I began to think about what ways I put myself first when it comes to Jordan.  I mean currently, not like when he was born and I walked out and made no true attempts at bringing him back into my life for many years.  What do I do selfishly right now when it comes to him?  This is a hard one to hash out.  Leaving myself wide open for any *maybe readers made me second guess listing out my faults in a public forum, but I would like to think that it's possible just one person could come across this and be encouraged by what I write.  Or at the very least someone out there is going to feel very good about themselves that they are not quite as selfish as I am.  I knew right from the first though of selfishness that I am selfish in some ways to even do the Love Dare for Parents.  A few of the reasons I chose to do it are all about me: not wanting him to be angry with me; wanting some sort of response from him; wanting him to love me too.  It really hit me between the eyes when I read "You can't be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time.   Ouch.

Thankfully today's dare was exactly what I needed more than anything (selfishness indulged).  But actually, I fully believe this process would be pointless if it were not for prayer.  God is ultimately who changes our hearts.  My heart, and Jordan's too.  I was instructed to just pray about my selfishness and how it limits my relationship and then dedicate my child to the Lord.

Lord, help me to push aside any desire to do these dares for selfish reasons.  I know most of the reasons I have for doing this come down to my own feelings.  Wanting more of a response from him, wanting him to love me back, wanting him to not hate me or other things like that. But I also want so badly for him to be healthy (emotionally and spiritually), to not grow a seed of bitterness in his heart and to feel loved not only by me, but by You also.  Lord, just help me focus on that most of all, glorifying You through this whole thing.

"We should thank God for granting us the daily opportunity to love our children unselfishly and to grow stronger, wiser, and more Christlike in the process."
I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake. (Colossians 1:24)