Parenting dare 8.

Day 8.  Love wins hearts.
He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers.  (Malachi 4:6)

As soon as I read the first paragraph from today's love dare chapter, the anxiety set in.
"Whoever has your children's hearts has their ears and significantly influences the direction of their lives.  You can be the most spiritual, intelligent parent on the planet, but if you lose your children's hearts, they will likely turn away from you in the long run.  Your ultimate effectiveness as a parent greatly depends upon this one key issue."

My parents have Jordan's heart.  They are the ones he listens to and yes, I am jealous of that.  But more than the jealousy I felt from reading the first half of the paragraph is the fear that comes from reading the second half.  "they will turn away from you in the long run.... greatly depends upon this one key issue..."  That sounds impossible to fix.  How, with all this distance and all this time, can I ever achieve this?  I honestly don't know.  I don't know what will come of this, but all I can do is keep going.  I've slowed down on the pace of reading the chapters because I was a little worried about putting pressure on Jordan.  Any pressure I've put on him in the past days would be nothing compared to the pressure he'd feel with Day 8.

Toward the end of the chapter, I was instructed to ask myself the following questions, my answers will follow:
      Do I have my children's hearts right now?  In regards to Jordan, I do not.
      Do they know they have mine?  I do not know.
      Do they care what I think?  I don't know that either, but it feels like the answer is no.
      Do they want to spend time with me?  I think when he's around me, he enjoys spending time with me, but it doesn't exactly seem like he'd go out of his way to spend time with me.
      Are they grieved when I'm displeased?  No.
      Are they loyal when I'm not watching?  I feel like this question doesn't even apply to our situation.

The homework for this week was the hardest to face.  On one hand I assumed Jordan wouldn't respond.  Which you would think, would make it easier to ask the question.  However, just because I figured he wouldn't respond, doesn't mean it wouldn't get him thinking about the answer to the question.  I started with one question, thinking if he answered then I would go on to ask the next.  1st question:  "Have I hurt you or wronged you in any way?".... .... .... .... .... hours go by and no response.  It is not easier to get no response at all.

This all happened yesterday.  I hoped for the rest of the day that at some point I would hear something from him.  Anything.  Well anything except "no", because I think for him to say that would be dishonest.  I have another question to ask that I'll text him tonight.  Oh, and some of you might be thinking this is a huge cop out for me to be texting him instead of calling him.  I assure you, it is not.  I would love to be able to have this conversation on the phone but I could literally cause him such discomfort by doing that that it would be very much counter productions.  The answer to the question would be "this, right now is what you have done to wrong me."  If he could even express it with words.  Since to ask the question at all is taking him out of his comfort zone, I'll compromise and text instead of call.

All I can do is pray for him.
Lord, I ask that you will heal Jordan's heart and help him to face these complicated and uncomfortable emotions.  Help him to be able to express how he feels and what hurts him.  If he cannot express that to me, I just pray that he will be able to go to you with it.  I also pray that if ever he does have a response to those tough questions, that you will prepare my heart to hear what he has to say.  Help me be accepting of his perspective and take the steps toward healing that I need to take.  Thank you Lord for being our healing and our rescue.  In Jesus name.

"We can win many battles in life but still lose the war at home if our children withdraw, rebel, and ignore us."  My son, if your heart is wise, my own heart also will be glad.  (Proverbs 23:15)